Dancing with Vettriano
by BeliBali
Summary: Victor Hammond and his siblings set out on an adventure to acquire a gift for their parents. Just a little holiday fluff I promised to write. Hope you enjoy it. please read and review.
1. Chapter 1: The escapade

Here is just a little holiday fluff piece I promised to write for Ducky, Free, Peachi, Pinki, Spicy and the rest of you. Hope you enjoy it. (hopefully, I can get the next chapter done before next year..ha hahahaha!)

Disclaimer: Not mine. I own nothing. I am trying to bring some holiday cheer.

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Dancing with Vettriano**

**Chapter 1: The Escapade **

Something extraordinary was holding him down, trapping him beneath its weight. He tried to move, but there were things against his sides, across his legs, and his arms. He was pinned in place. Trapped. Someone was holding him down, preventing him from moving. He was beginning to panic.

With a sharp intake of breath, V's eyes flew open and his body flinched. It was a dream, he suddenly realized, blinking sleep away. He was dreaming.

Lying very still, he let his heart settle and his breathing even. He could feel sweat on the few areas of his body still possessing sweat glands and over all, he was hot. Roasting in fact. The weight still pressed against his chest and one of his arms was numb. There were things pressing his side and across his legs, making him extremely claustrophobic and itching to be free.

Glancing down, V noted the soft, fine brownish blonde hair of his son's head as he nestled further into his chest. One of the baby's arms was draped across his shoulder and the other hung loosely at his side. There was a puddle of drool directly above his heart as his son whimpered and made smacking noises with his mouth.

Slowly turning his head to the right, he had expected to see his wife snuggled into his side, lying on his arm. Instead he looked into the innocent face of his daughter, who was sleeping soundly. Her long blonde hair spread out on the pillow next to his head and her body pressed close to his. A movement on his left indicated another one of his children had snuck into his bed.

He remembered the baby crying and retrieving it before it woke the household, but he did not remember his twins sneaking their way into his room as well. The previous evening had been their birthday and he was not too surprised they had drifted into the room with upset stomachs seeking their mother. Next to him, his middle son stirred, clinging on to him as if he were a life preserver in a stormy sea; his blonde head lying awkwardly off the side of the mattress. Eyeing the amount of room the young boy had, V was surprised the child was even in the bed.

Shifting slightly so his son would not fall, V raised his head and looked across his daughter in search of his wife. Sure enough, she was there, lying on her stomach with an arm across their daughter's back. But, he quickly realize, his wife now sported two heads, one sprouting from her back. The second head, its honey-brown hair mingling with its mother, belong to none other than his oldest child. Somehow Victor was laying with his head in the center of his mother's back, his long body stretched under his sister's legs and his legs draped over his father's. V smiled. It was no wonder Eamon was barely on the edge of the bed, especially with his brother's feet pressing against his chest and stomach.

His family.

Silently V thanked the heavens for the brood piled on top of himself and his wife. It was amazing how they managed to sneak into their bed and sleep in the amazing positions they managed to achieve. It was amazing, even more amazing, V thought, he and Evey even managed to conceive their youngest, Valerian, with their other children constantly abandoning their own rooms.

Next to him, V felt his daughter stir. Glancing at her, he watched her bright blue eyes open and stare into his own before closing again as she snuggled deeper against him. On his chest the baby's whimpering was increasing as was the smacking sounds of his lips. Small hands clutched at him and the little body stretched, indicating feeding time was very, very near. There was also something warm and wet on his belly, spreading quickly down his sides.

Enya lifted her head and sleepily looked at her hand trying to determine what it was which had just awakened her. She blinked and looked at her father, sleep preventing her from comprehension.

'Your brother just wet on us,' mumbled V quietly.

His daughter looked at her hand, her mind still foggy. 'Huh?'

'He peed Enya. Val just pissed on us. That is what is on your hand.'

For a moment the blue eyes just stared, then suddenly grew wide. 'Ooooh. Yuck, yuck, yuck,' she cried sitting bolt upright and flailing her arm around, wiping her hand on the blankets. 'Disgusting! Yuck!'

As Enya moved, she jolted her baby brother causing him to wake with a start and a scream. Eamon, startled at the loud, piercing cry echoing through the room flinched and fell from the high bed, landing on the floor in a heap while Victor screeched in pain as his sister climbed over him still braying forth her disgust. Evey, suddenly wide awake, attempted to wiggle her way out of the bed and survey the chaos underway. For his part, V sat up and tried to soothe the child his arms. Swinging his long legs off the side of the bed, he carefully stepped over his middle son.

'Are you damaged?' he asked while standing and running his hand up and down the baby's small back.

'No,' came an angry reply. 'But that hurt.'

'I am certain it did.' V looked at his wife. 'Evey?'

'Go on,' she waved him away, turning her attention to her son howling in pain from the middle of the bed.

With a nod, V headed towards the bathroom only to discover his daughter at the basin, furiously scrubbing her hand. In his arms, Valerian was beginning to settle.

'Enya, away with you. I need to bathe your brother and myself.'

The little girl glanced up at the boy in her father's arms. 'Why did you have to have him Daddy? We were fine with just the three of us.' Turning off the water, she grabbed a towel from the wrack. 'I mean, couldn't we have gotten a puppy or a kitty or something instead?'

'Your brother said the same thing about you when you were small young lady,' he replied calmly while setting the baby down and beginning to remove the little boy's pajamas. 'Now I believe you and Victor are quite fond of each other are you not?'

'No, we're not.'

V smiled. 'Of course you are not, it is merely a figment of my imagination you like your brother.' He glanced at the scowl on his daughter's face and chuckled. 'Now away with you and shut the doors as you go.' As his daughter stomped from the room, V grinned down at his son. 'Someone forgot your nighttime knickers didn't they, Valerian? We shall have to speak with Mummy about this shan't we? We'll have to see who dressed you last night.'

The little boy stared up into his father's ruined and mangled face, oblivious to its scars and laughed. At eight months old, he was still very uncertain at all the activity which was constantly happening around him, but he was learning to accept it.

Discarding his own pajama pants and underwear, V turned on the shower and lifted the baby into his arms. 'Let us wash up, Val. We shall be nice and clean and then we will go and help Mummy change the bed and feed the pride.'

Valerian stared at his father with bright blue eyes, blowing bubbles between his lips. 'Da.'

V grinned. 'That's right, I'm Daddy.'

**VEV**

Sometime later when all the children where calmed, fed, bathed and dressed, Evey Hammond, Prime Minister of England and its surrounding territories, sat at her small kitchen table reviewing a pile of papers.

'Mummy?'

'Hmmm?'

'Can we go out today? By ourselves?'

Evey looked up from her papers, her eyes questioning her oldest son from behind the spectacles resting on her nose. 'Go where, Honey?'

'The twins and I want to go Christmas shopping, Mummy. We only want to go up the street to the shops. We thought we would take Val.'

Evey looked shocked. 'Val? Why?'

Victor blinked his large brown eyes in complete sincerity. 'We can't pick out a gift from all of us if he's not included. If we did, then it would just be a gift from most of us.'

A smile played at the corner of Evey's mouth as she considered her son. He still amazed her. He looked like his father, he sounded like his father, he even had his father's air of seriousness, but his thought process was completely his own. 'I believe Val is still a little too young to be assisting in your decision-making process, Honey.'

The boy shifted from one foot to another, the look on his face apprehensive. It did not take a genius to figure out Victor and his siblings had an ulterior motive for requesting their baby brother's presence on their outing. 'But Mummy, we must have him. Just for an hour or so, maybe less.' The boy grinned his father's grin, a knowing smile creeping across his face as a thought dawned on him. 'If we had Val, you and Daddy would be alone. There would be no one around to bother you and you could do what you want.'

Evey blanched. 'Victor,' she snapped harshly. 'You are ten years old. I do not think you are old enough to imply what I hope you are not implying.'

The smile on the boy's face grew larger. 'Oh, Mummy. You and Daddy are always doing that. _Always._ Remember, I can hear you and I can hear Daddy complaining because you are not doing that.'

'Victor, my darling, you are older than your years.'

'Yes, Mummy,'

Evey eyed her son, 'How do you propose to keep up with a baby and two seven-year- olds? You're not going to sell your brother are you? You haven't been trying to auction him off like you did your sister?'

The boy shook his head, growing serious again. 'Oh no, Mummy. I learned my lesson. I can almost sit again since Daddy punished me for trying to get rid of Enya. Honestly, Mummy. We are only going to the shops. We will not cross the street or talk to strangers or anything. Right there and right back. We'll take the mobile and Daddy can watch us on the surveillance if you want.'

'I don't like the idea of you out on your own.'

'We can take someone from the office.'

'Victor.' Evey drew in a deep breath, preparing for one of her lectures. 'No one from my staff is willing to go anywhere with any of you after what you did. Sword fighting in the residence, re-enacting the fight scene from the Count of Monte Cristo like your Daddy does. You scared them to death, especially when Eamon pushed you off the roof.' She shook her head, trying to hide the smile playing at the corner of her lips as she remembered being dragged out of Parliament by a shrieking assistant. She had listened patiently to the details, asked if any child was injured, and then shrugged and returned to her committee meeting assuring her assistant it was normal behavior for her children. In truth, she was glad V had not joined in.

'Mummy, please,' cut in her son, 'Worm and Booger will help watch Val. We'll be back quickly. We know what we want and where it is. You can time us. Please, Mummy please.'

With a sigh, Evey conceded defeat. 'You have thirty minutes.'

'An hour.'

'Thirty-five minutes.'

'Fifty-five minutes?'

'Forty-five minutes and not a moment more. If you are not back here in that amount of time…with _all_ your siblings, I am sending your father after you.'

Victor nodded. 'Agreed. Thank you, Mummy. Um, bye Mummy.'

Moving as quickly as he could, the boy raced out of the room.

'What did she say?' asked his sister the moment her brother appeared in the hallway. 'Did you screw it up? Can we take the wizzer?'

'We have forty-five minutes. She's going to time us and if we don't make it she's sending Daddy to get us.'

'Daddy? No, Ick. That's horrible.' Eamon looked at his brother, scrunching up his blue eyes in disgust. 'Remember the last time.'

'I know, I know,' shushed his brother. 'We can do it. I'll go get Val and his perambulator. We'll need it. I told Mummy we were going to the shops so, Booger, go grab that bag you got on Saturday? We can say we went to the same store. Worm, go work on getting some money from Daddy so it looks real.'

**VEV**

V knew his daughter was up to something the moment he saw her face. Mischief was written all over the little girl.

'Daddy?' asked Enya innocently as she hobbled into the library. 'Daddy, are you busy?'

'Yes.'

'Oh,' she looked crestfallen.

Shutting his book, V considered his daughter. 'But I have a moment for you, cub. What is it you need?'

'Money, Daddy. Mummy said we can have forty-five minutes to go to the shops to buy your Christmas present. We need some money.' As she spoke, the little girl climbed into her father's lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. 'Can we have some, please Daddy? Pretty please?'

V chuckled, hugging his daughter to him. 'And how much do you need, little one?'

'Enough to buy you a present. Except…except Mummy says if we are a moment late, she is going to send you after us and…Daddy…it's Christmas and…and I am not certain if we can do it in forty-five minutes. Maybe fifty minutes, but not forty-five. I think we can make it if it's fifty minutes. We know where it is and what we want.'

V watched his daughter, a smile playing at the corners of his lips behind his mask.

'Hmm,' he intoned. 'You have a good point, but still forty-five minutes is a long time for three young children to be on their own in the shops.'

'Nuh huh, Daddy. Not when you go to the shops on the corner. We can spend days in the shops on the corner.'

V grinned; glad the mask hid his amusement. 'You have forty-seven minutes and not a moment more. Do not make me come and find you again. This time I will not be so lenient.'

'Yes Daddy.'

Standing, so his daughter dangled from his neck, V crossed to his desk and pulled out a drawer. Reaching inside he extracted four ten pound notes and returned to his chair, settling his child back onto his lap as he sat. 'I expect change from this.'

Enya took the money, a smile spreading across her face. 'Thank you Daddy.' Leaning over, she kissed the cheek of his mask and climbed from his lap to bounce from the room.

'Enya.'

'Yes Daddy?'

'You had better return with all your siblings. There will be no selling, auctioning, giving someone away, having them arrested or trying to push them in front of a lorry.'

'Yes, Daddy.'

With a grin, she fled the room.

**VEV**

Eamon, Enya, and Victor Hammond stood, not in the shops on the corner of their street, but in the museum three blocks away. Before them was a small-to-medium-sized painting of a man and a woman dancing on a moonlit beach. The man was tall, dressed in black, his head turned so only his black hair and broad shoulders could be seen. In his arms, he held a woman close. His arm wrapped around her waist in a loving embrace.

The woman in the painting wore a long, flowing white gown. Her brown hair in a stylish bun on her head, small earrings dangling from her ears and long white gloves encasing the slender arm she draped across the man's shoulder. Like the man's, her head was turned, looking at the moon and the silhouettes of other dancers further up the beach.

The three children stared at the painting while their little brother Valerian sat comfortably in his perambulator, cooing at them.

'Just look at it, Ick,' exhaled Eamon in breathless wonder. 'It's them, it really is them.'

Next to him, his brother nodded.

'Yeah, it is.' Leaning forward, he looked at the name plate on the wall.

'What's it say Victor?' asked Enya. 'Have you heard of this Vic-tri-a-na person before? Is it really Mummy and Daddy?'

He shook his head. 'It's Vettriano and no, I don't think so. The date is wrong for it to be them, but it starts with a V, so Daddy and Mummy should like it. It's called _Dance me to the End of Love._ They should really like that too.'

The twins nodded their heads in agreement.

Looking at his watch, Victor glanced at their baby brother. They had less than thirty-five minutes to pull off their stunt and get home with their prize and their little brother before their father came to find them.

'Okay, know what to do?' he asked his brother and sister.

'No problem,' answered Enya lifting her baby brother from his seat and moving towards the hallway. I'll go drop him somewhere down the hall and make him cry. Then I'll go to the guard and say he crawled away and I lost him."

'Wait,' Victor thought for a moment. 'Let's change. I'll look more pathetic and you don't look old enough to be watching him on your own. ' He reached for Valerian and settled him on his shoulder. 'Give me five minutes. In the meantime take the codes I downloaded from daddy's computer and turn off the alarms. You should be able to get the painting off the wall then.'

The two little children nodded. 'What do we do when we get it down?'

'Put it in Val's perambulator and cover it up with his blankets, then look innocent and worried. We need to give it a good act. We can't get caught or let them call Dominic or Eric or…' he gulped, 'Mummy and Daddy.'

The children nodded in agreement. 'Okay.'

'Okay, let's do it.

'Right,' said Enya. 'One, two, three, and we have Mummy and Daddy's present.'

The twins looked at one another and grinned.

'Ready?' asked Eamon.

'Go' replied Enya.

The children moved into action.

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Author's Request…**

Okay, the scene is set. Tune in again to see if they manage to get the painting for their parents and if they misplace the baby. Will they get home on time or will Daddy have to come after them? Since I haven't written the next chapter, tell me what you would like to see happen in this story and I may add it in as a holiday gift!!!! See you on the review page with your suggestions. Belmont-Bellamy

A special thank you to VveritasV for doing the beta thing!


	2. Chapter 2: the Acquitision

**Dancing with Vettriano**

**Chapter 2: The Acquisition **

Victor Ea Vian Hammond stood in the middle of the New National Gallery closely examining a piece of modern sculpture entitled _Catacombs and Chaos in the Current Century_ and smirked at his baby brother, whom he held in his arms.

'It alliterates Val. I wonder if Daddy made it.' Getting no reply other than the constant sucking sound of Valerian working his pacifier around his small mouth, Victor walked slowly around the steel and plastic sculpture scrutinizing it.

'No, Daddy would never create something this ugly. Well, he might if he did it by accident after blowing something up, but never on purpose. You know what Mummy and Daddy would say about this, Val? They would say it's hideous. Can't you hear Daddy, Val? He would walk slowly around it like we are, his hand on his chin, mumbling to himself. You know what he would say? He would look at the title and then say something like: "This horrendous hybridized hack-work of a hapless half-cocked, hair-brain is a humiliation. What half-witted humanitarian happened to be harassed and haggled into allowing this horrible hokum?"'

The boy laughed and nuzzled his brother, 'That's a real alliteration, Val. You know you're in trouble when Daddy starts alliterating at you.'

Stepping closer, Victor peered into the center of the sculpture. 'Yep, I think this will work.' Bending down, he set his little brother onto the sculpture's platform and plucked his pacifier from his mouth. Instantly, the baby's face scrunched up and his large blue eyes began to water. Little hands went into the air, their fingers opening and closing rapidly indicating he wanted his pacie back.

His brother grinned. 'You want it? Go get it.' With a flick of his wrist, Victor tossed the pacifier into an opening at the base of the sculpture. Valerian watched, his eyes growing wider. Rocking back and forth, he rolled onto his knees and began crawling into the hole to retrieve his most cherished object.

Victor waited until his baby brother had disappeared into the sculpture and reclaimed his prize. Once the pacifier was in his mouth, the baby did exactly what Victor him to do. Val did nothing. He just sat there, inside the sculpture, staring at his brother, sucking merrily on the object in his mouth. With a grin, the boy nodded. 'That's good, Val. Now stay there and don't move.' Turning on his heel, Victor darted from the room to find a guard to report the unfortunate incident of his brother escaping his clutches.

**VEV**

In the Scottish section of the Gallery, things were not going well for Eamon Vi Vant and Enya Vi Vian, the almost identical twin children of Prime Minister Evey Hammond. It was not they could not turn off the security alarms with their father's small hand held computer, which they happened to have acquired from his office in the Shadow Gallery, but rather they were having some difficulty determining _who_ was going to do it.

'Stupid, you're doing it wrong.'

'Am not.'

'Are too!'

'No, I'm not!'

'YES, YOU ARE!' Reaching out, Enya attempted to snatch the Blackberry from her brother's grasp only to be swatted by him. If their brother, Victor, was a copy of their father in appearance, then the twins were replicas of their mother in all matters expect for their blue eyes and blonde hair.

'Quit it! You're going to make me mess up.' Eamon glared at his sister.

'You already messed up. Let me have it!' Again, Enya snatched at the small computer, knocking it from her brother's hands onto the floor. With a squeal, her small, lithe body was on it instantly.

'I'm telling Mummy!' cried the boy as he tried to pull it away from her. 'It's mine, I'm doing it.'

'No! I am.'

'No! I am!' With a violent yank, Eamon managed to retrieve the device. Turning it over, he quickly set about examining the screen to see what damage his sister had done. Pushing his mop of blonde, curly hair from his bright blue eyes, his small fingres began to dance over the screen as he ignored his sister sitting on the floor with her arms crossed, pouting. There was suddenly as series of beeps and then soft clinking sounds could be heard around the room.

Enya's eyes grew wide. 'You set the alarms off. Dominic is going to come and arrest us again!'

'No, I didn't,' the boy grinned wide, 'I turned them off!'

The two children looked at the painting on the wall, and then to one another, smiling from ear to ear.

**VEV**

Far below the surface of the city, V glanced at the clock on the wall of the Shadow Gallery's library. His children had been away for forty minutes and knowing them, they had gotten themselves into some form of trouble. Shutting his book with a huff, he went in search of his wife.

**VEV**

'Excuse me, sir?'

The rather bored looking guard looked down at the boy who was tugging on the back of his uniform shirt and sighed, 'Out that door and down the corridor on the right.'

Victor blinked. 'Huh?'

'The loo, kid. That's what you were going to ask, wasn't it? Where's the loo?'

Victor looked at the guard for a moment in confusion and then shook his head. 'Uh, no sir. It's my baby brother, sir. He crawled into one of the thingies. Please, sir, come quick. _Please_!'

This time it was the guard who blinked. 'Thingy? Crawled? What are you going on about?'

Grabbing the guard's arm, Victor started pulling him towards the sculpture room, chattering as quickly as he could. In fact, he was purposely chattering in the way he knew always annoyed his mother and father for they always claimed it was incoherent dribble.

'It's my brother. He's eight months old. I got tired of carrying him, so I set him down and when I did, he took off. He's quick. You've never seen a baby crawl as fast as he can. Do you have a baby? Have you seen a baby crawl? They're quick. Anyway, my brother crawled into your thingy and I can't get him out.'

The guard halted the boy. 'Alright, slow down there son and take a deep breath. What's this about a baby and crawling and what is the thingy?'

Victor tried his best not to smile and to look as serious as he possible could. 'My brother. He's eight months old. I'm supposed to be watching him while Mummy takes my sister to the loo. I sat down next to this…' he gestured wildly up into the air, '…this _thing _and I put my brother next to me. Next thing I know, he's_ in_ the thing!' At this Victor let his eyes fill with tears and he let out a terrible sob. 'Mummy is going to _kill me_! I've got to get him out before she gets out of the loo. Please, sir, please!'

With a roll of his eyes, the guard followed the frantic child into the sculpture room while calling for assistance from the other guards on duty.

**VEV**

'Eve, my love?' V stepped behind his wife and placed his gloved hands on her shoulders, massaging them with his long, delicate fingers. 'It is your day off, my dearest. You should not spend it mulling over financial reports and summations of committee meetings.' He let his fingers slowly begin to trail up her neck, working at the tired and strained muscles.

'Hmmm.' Evey shut her eyes and leaned back into his touch. 'Oooh, that's nice. Don't stop.'

A deep chuckle sounded within her husband's chest. 'As you wish, my love, but…' His hands began traveling into her hair, massaging her scalp, '…do you not think we should check on the baby and our other children? I am amazed at how long Valerian has slept.'

'Hmmm,' sighed Evey, with her eyes still closed, lost in V's tantalizing touch, 'He's not asleep. The children took him with them.'

V's fingers slowed and a frown appeared on his face behind the mask. 'They took the baby with them? Why?'

Reaching behind her, Evey started running her hands up and down her husband's arms, 'To give us a moment alone according to our eldest,' she husked with a smile. Slowly, she stood and wrapped her arms around her husband's waist. 'How much time do we have left? I only gave them forty-five minutes.'

V's hands continued to travel up and down his wife's back as she pressed herself into him. He needed to stop he told himself. He needed to stop before he became any more aroused than he already was. The fact his wife was nuzzling her face into his chest was not helping matters either. 'They've been gone forty minutes.'

Evey nodded, letting one of her hands travel to the fastenings of his trousers. 'It'll have to be a quickie then, you should have found me sooner.' Looking up into the mask, she smiled.

**VEV**

'Guack, this is heavy,' panted Enya as she and her brother lifted the painting from its hook and lugged it towards their brother's perambulator. 'You think it's goin' to fit?'

'Don't know,' shrugged Eamon as he laid his corner of the frame into the walker. 'Maybe if we lay it back and put the cover up.'

His sister nodded and adjusted the way the painting was positioned. Grabbing Val's blanket, she draped it over the artwork while her brother raised the perambulator's cover. Standing back, the two children examined their work.

'I can see the edge of the frame.'

'Me too.'

They looked at one another and began struggling out of their coats.

**VEV**

'What the bloody hell?' The two museum guards on duty for the day stood with their hands on their hips, staring at the very small boy sitting contently inside of the valuable piece of sculpture. 'How?' The rather bored looking guard asked with a shake of his head. 'How the bloody hell did he manage this?'

'Don't know,' answered Victor sheepishly. 'I told you, he's quick.'

Crouching in front of the opening in sculpture, the guard held out his arms. 'Come on son. Come here.'

Sitting inside the sculpture, Val looked at the guard and sucked loudly on his pacifier.

'What's his name?' Asked the other guard as he glanced at Victor. 'And what's you name for that matter, son?'

'Va…' began Victor and then stopped. 'Um, Eadan. His name is Eadan.' _At least I'm not lying_, thought the boy as he stared wide-eyed at the man before him_. One of his names is Eadan. V Eadan Valerian to be exact._

'Eadan?' asked the man scrupulously, 'Are you sure? You seemed to hesitate a moment there.'

Blushing, Victor shrugged and looked at his shoes, 'I almost told you my name,' he lied.

The guard nodded, 'And what is your name?'

'Um…Vadrick, but Mummy just calls me Rick or Rickie most of the time.'

Again, the second guard nodded. 'Right then Rickie, sit here and we'll go around behind and see if we can't give him a little shove.' Maybe, he'll come out to you without one of us having to get your Mummy from the loo.'

Victor smiled and glanced at the door. In the passage beyond he could see his brother and sister motioning for him to grab Val and to come on. 'Um, okay.' He glanced at the guards and then nodded to Eamon. Getting on his knees in front of the sculpture, he held out his hands to his baby brother. 'Come on Eadan. Come on before Mummy catches us.'

Lying on his stomach and reaching as far as he could, the bored looking guard was just able to place his hand on the little boy's back. Pushing gently, he slid the baby towards the opening and his brother's waiting grasp. The moment Val was near the opening, Victor reached in and snatched him out.

'Got him!' He called loudly, hoisting Val on to his shoulder as he stood. 'Thank you, mister! Thank you very much.'

Dusting himself down, the guard shook his head and looked at his companion, rolling his eyes. 'Yeah, don't let it happen again. Next time, wait outside the loo for your mum.'

Victor nodded. 'Yes, sir. I better get back there. She'll be looking for us.'

Shaking their heads, both guards watched the boy rush from the room with the baby in his arms.

**VEV**

With a sigh of disappointment, V zipped his pants and glanced for the fiftieth time at the clock. They had managed, but quickie was truly the term for it. He truly did not feel satisfied nor did he think he had managed to pleasure his wife to the extent he wanted. In fact, he wasn't too pleased at all with the outcome and felt Evey deserved much more. True, she had moaned and called his name as he bent her over the kitchen table, but he got the feeling most of it was for show. She was making the sounds and doing an act to please him. He wanted more. He wanted her to quake, breathlessly with release and scream his name in unbridled passion. He wanted her to gasp and pass-out with pleasure. He felt ashamed the only thing he had managed was the slight shudder he had just felt in her body as she let go.

'I'm sorry, Eve,' he mumbled as he watched her pull on her jeans. 'I think I am distracted over the children being out on their own.'

She tried to smile as she slipped on her trainers and began to tie them. 'It was sort of obvious you were watching the clock, darling.' She was trying her best to look satisfied.

Behind the mask, V blushed in even more embarrassment. 'I did not want them to catch us again.'

Standing, Evey laid a hand on his arm and rose to the tip of her toes to place a delicate kiss on his cheek. 'Tonight, my darling. Tonight, I will expect much, much more from you. In fact,' she glanced at the clock, 'since our children are already ten minutes late, I think part of their punishment should be going to bed early.'

Pulling off his mask, V gave her his natural grin. 'I absolutely agree. We will put them to bed, and then…' He leaned down and kissed her passionately. '…then I will put _you_ to bed and make you scream in delight.'

Evey laughed and kissed him again. 'I can't wait, but first, my darling, don't you think we should find our children?'

V chuckled and then nodded. 'They're in the shops eating sweets, my love, but we shall go and collect them. If you will excuse me, I'll quickly put on my face and we will go.' He grinned and kissed her again. 'The sooner they are home, the sooner we can punish them and then send them to their rooms. Then, my love, then I shall ravish you as you have never been ravished before.' With another kiss, he turned on his heel and quickly headed towards his make-up room to change.

**VEV**

On the street outside of the museum, the Hammond children bounced in glee and self congratulation. 'We did it, we did it!' cried Enya dancing around on the walkway.

'Yeah,' grinned Eamon, 'It's going to be the best Christmas ever. Wait till they see it! Right, Ick!'

Victor, smiling from ear to ear, laughed and handed Val to his brother. 'You should have seen the guards when they saw Val _inside_ of the sculpture. It was brilliant….and…and I kept calling the horrible thing a thingy! Really, I think we should come back and blow that one up. Did you see it? It's terrible.'

The children laughed as they headed down the street, pushing their prize in their brother's perambulator.

Hanging over his brother's shoulder, Valerian spit out his pacifier and let out a wail.

'Ouch, Val. That's my ear you're screaming in,' complained his brother, Eamon, as Enya tried to put the pacifier back into the baby's mouth.

'He's not taking it and he smells.'

Victor stopped and took his baby brother. Holding him up, he sniffed the baby's pants. 'I think he's wet, but I don't think he's done anything else. Maybe, he's hungry.'

'What time is it?' asked Enya, feeling her own stomach begin to rumble.

Victor adjusted his brother in his arms and looked at his watch. '12:15.' He stopped dead, his brown eyes growing wide. 'It's 12:15. We're twenty minutes_ late_!'

The children looked at one another with panic in their faces. '_Daddy!'_ They cried in unison and began running down the street.

**To be continued…..**

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Author's Note**

(sigh) all typos, misspelled words, and mistakes are mine. May the comma Gods come after me…. Hopefully, my beta will get back to me soon and I can exchange a good copy with this one. In the meantime, it gives you something to read. Next chapter…V and Evey go looking for their children!

Anyway, readers…seriously…if you read this, please take a moment to write some sort of review. You can tell me it blows chunks and it's hideous as far as I'm concerned. I just want to know you're out there. I won't go into details, but let us just say I have had a bit of a rough time recently, and really, truly need to know some one is out there in the world and appreciates or loathes what I am writing.

Hopefully, I will have the new chapter of Victor EaVian done soon, plus I have a new story I am working on…and no…I have not forgotten To A Goblin's Delight…I just can't go there at current moment.

THANK YOU DUCKY!!!!!


	3. Chapter 3: Almost Caught

**Disclaimer…I do not own V for Vendetta, I just gave V and EV children. I have received nothing for this except reviews, which I very much appreciate.**

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Dancing with Vettriano**

**Chapter 3: Almost Caught**

Victor, Eamon, and Enya Hammond were children who could say, in complete truth and honesty, their lives were unusual. They were not like other children for a series of reasons. One of the first and most obvious, of course, was the fact they were national celebrities from the moment of their births. Almost everyone seemed to know who they were even though their parents went to lengths to try to protect them from the media.

It was for this reason the children often found themselves in disguises or referring to each other by personal nicknames while in public. Often, the average passersby would glance at them and instantly recognize either the twins, who looked so much alike they could have been identical if it were not for their sex, or Victor, who most considered to be the rightful Prince and heir to the country. In the opinion of the general populous, it was Evey, V, and the children who were the royal family and heir apparent and _not_ those individuals who had returned from exile years earlier.

The inhabitants of the areas between Bloomsbury and Victoria Station though were particularly protective of the children since it was not uncommon to see them running down the streets or sword fighting and playing in St. James and Green Parks. The streets of Victoria and Vauxhall partially knew them well as these were the children's routes to and from school and where they often went on their own to the "shops on the corner".

Though the children and their parents were seen at the Royal Albert Hall, Convent Garden or shopping in Piccadilly, many were uncertain as to where they actually lived when not in Downing Street. Everyone from as far away as Paddington to Kensington and London Proper wanted to claim the Shadow Gallery and the family as their own.

As the children trotted down street as quickly as they could with their prize and their baby brother, they met with two unpleasant surprises. The first was the parade of police cars screaming by them in the direction of the New National Gallery. As one of the cars approached, it slowed, revealing a bewildered looking Chief Inspector Dominic Stone at its wheel. There was no mistaking the fact he recognized the children for he looked at them as if to say, "What are you doing this far away from home…_alone?"_

The second surprise was probably the worst. Deciding to sneak into their home from the rear, the children where more than surprised to find the mother standing on the street corner in heavy discussion with a local Bobby.

'_Mummy!_' cried Enya, her eyes wide with terror as she dived behind a rubbish bin.

'Where?' shrieked Eamon, freezing in terror. His hands grew tighter on the handles of the perambulator, turning his knuckles white.

Without thinking, Victor grabbed his brother by the collar and dragged him into the alleyway.

'We're dead, we're dead, we're dead,' chanted Eamon as he squeezed shut his eyes and tried to melt into the brick of the building at his back.

'Be quiet,' hissed his brother as he glanced around the corner. In Victor's arms, Val began to squirm, bouncing to be released. The baby's mother was near and he knew it.

'Stop it Valerian,' hissed the eldest of the Hammond children, trying to still his brother.

The baby looked at him and scrunched up his face, preparing to scream.

'Don't do it, Val.' murmured Enya from her place behind the bin. '_Please!_'

Reaching out, Eamon grabbed his baby brother from Victor's arms and began tossing him up in the air and then catching him.

'Toss the baby. That's right Val, its toss the baby.'

The baby's eyes glowed in amusement and he laughed and cooed loudly, bringing a sigh of relief from his siblings.

As Eamon played with Val, Victor tried to peer around the corner. 'I can't see them. Enya, can you?'

Their sister popped her head quickly over the bin and immediately back down. 'Mummy's still there, but the Bobby is gone. I don't see Daddy.'

Instantly, three of the four children looked up to the roofs of the building around them.

'He's there, I know he is,' whined Eamon as he laid his brother over his shoulder. 'This is your fault Ick. Their going to punish us and it's your fault.'

'Be quiet!' snapped Victor. 'I've got to think. Enya, check on Mummy.'

Once again the blonde head appeared over the corner of the bin. 'She's still there.'

Victor bit his bottom lip as Eamon craned his neck to inspect the rooftops. On his brother's shoulder, Val again began to squirm and whimper.

'_Victoooor_, he's going to scream.'

'He's hungry.'

'He'll give us away.'

'Play with him.'

'I did. It's not working.'

Victor snatched Val from Eamon's arms and pointed his finger into the baby's face. 'Listen here Runt. If you give us away, we'll never forgive you, so be quiet.'

Val's face scrunched more and then grunting sounds issued from his little mouth, followed by a look of complete satisfaction.

'Victor, what's that smell?' asked Eamon suddenly, backing away from his two brothers. 'Did you let gas?'

His brother rolled his eyes and held the baby at arms length. 'He filled his nappy, you moron. It's Val you smell.'

Behind the garbage bin Enya attempted to stifle uncontrollable laughter. 'Told you he's a wizzer,' she snorted. 'Except it's not wiz he did on you.'

'Shut up,' snapped Victor. 'Just shut up and check on Mummy. We've got to be quiet; Daddy will hear us.'

As Enya stared up the street, she could see her mother standing with her hands on her hip, turning slowly in a circle, peering intently up and down the streets.

'She looked upset,' whispered the little girl. 'I mean really, really upset, too.'

As she turned to up at her mother again, Enya watched as her father appeared and approached her mother, wrapping her in his arms.

'_Daddy. It's Daddy!' _

Victor and Eamon moaned.

'Keep watching,' hissed Victor. 'Tell us if they come this way.'

The little girl nodded and turned back to spy on her parents. 'Victor, I think Mummy is crying.'

**VEV**

As V approached his wife, he knew something had happened, but from her expression he could not tell exactly what it was.

'You have not found them,' he stated, wrapping Evey in his arms and pulling her against him. 'Do not worry my love, we will find our children.'

In his arms, Evey buried her face into his shoulder, her entire body shaking.

'Eve, my love, do not cry. They have merely lost track of time and gone someplace they should not have. They will be found soon.'

'They already have,' she gasped into his shoulder as she pulled away and turned, facing away from the street containing her children. Instead of tears, V could see his wife was attempting to control hysterical laughter.

Stepping forward, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and brought his lips to her ear. 'They are behind us.'

Evey nodded.

'They can see us?'

'They can,' she leaned against his chest, trying to appear inconsolable. 'Enya is behind the trash bin and thinks she's not visible and the boys are in the alley.'

V nodded and kissed the top of her head before whispering quietly, 'We shall let them think they are getting away with this. Come. Let me lead you away and then I will follow them home to make certain they are safe. I may teach them a lesson along the way.'

Evey looked up into his latex covered face and gripped his arms with her small hands. 'Not too badly darling. We don't want them to have nightmares tonight. Tonight you are mine. Besides, they will come running in five more minutes. It is feeding time for Val.'

V grinned and led his wife away.

**VEV**

'They're leaving,' squealed Enya, leaping from her hiding place to the alley containing her brothers. 'Mummy is upset and crying and Daddy is leading her away.'

Victor frowned. He did not like upsetting his mother and his arms were getting tired from holding his brother out from him. 'Here, take Val,' he said and unceremoniously shoved the baby into his sister's arms.

'Yuck!' she exclaimed loudly. 'He stinks.'

At this Val let out a blood curling scream.

'The tunnels. We'll have to take Val and the perambulator through the tunnels.'

Enya's eyes grew wide as she stared at her eldest brother. 'But the Creedy Monster will get us,' she gasped in a horrified tone. 'We can't go into the tunnels without Mummy or Daddy. It's forbidden.'

Victor shook his head. 'It's our only choice if we are going to get home without getting caught and before they do.'

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Author's note**

**Sorry this one is so short. I'll try to do better next time around.**

**I will say I am one of those weak individuals who will write more and post quicker if you review, so…drop me a line and let me know what you think V and Evey should do to the children for punishment. I am taking suggestions.**

PS..all mistakes are mine and mine alone. I wanted to post this so….sorry. I'll post a clean copy later.


	4. Chapter 4: Uhoh

**Sorry I haven't updated in the last six weeks, I promise I will be better.

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**Dancing with Vettriano**

**Chapter 4: Uh-Oh**

Prime Minister Evelyn Anne Hammond settled into the comfortable, high backed, leather office chair and swerved towards a wall of monitors. Opening a small black leather case, she removed her gold, wire-framed glasses and settled them on the bridge of her nose before punching a series of buttons, bringing the monitors to life. Carefully adjusting the equipment before her, she homed in on the images of her children still outside the café where she had left them, the tunnels they were planning to enter, and the location her husband claimed to be in.

'Darling?'

'_Hmmm'_ crackled V's deep, sensual voice from the multiple speakers set in the walls.

Evey smiled peering closer at the monitors. She loved sitting in this room, in his chair, smelling the strong scent of leather and him while listening to his voice in surround sound.

'Where are you dearest? I can't see you.'

'_Oh, I am here._'

She let her eyes play slowly over the shadows on the monitor, looking for even the slightest amount of movement. 'Yes, I have no doubt you are, but I still can't see you. What are you doing? You are making the most peculiar noises.'

A deep chuckle echoed through the room. '_Am I?_'

'You are. You're…grunting.'

Again there was a deep chuckle, '_Hmmm, I guess I am, or was. Did you enjoy it?_'

Leaning back in her chair, Evey laughed and turned her attention to her children, taking comfort in the knowledge she could literally keep an eye on them. 'It is a sound I am very familiar with my darling, but I am assuming _that_ particular thing was not what you were doing. At least it better not have been, especially without me.'

Laughter roared from the speakers. '_Heavens no, Domina. I was doing nothing of the sort, particularly without you in attendance. I was merely attempting to amputate my arm, my admired and adored one.'_

'Amputating your arm,' mused Evey playfully, lacing her tone with seduction. 'I've never heard it called that before.'

'_Dearest_,' warmed the voice in mock horror. _'I am appalled.'_

This time it was Evey who laughed, 'Oh, are you? Well, then just you wait till I get you alone tonight. I'll have you doing more than grunting. Your screams will echo throughout London.'

'_Hmmm,_ _please, tell me what you have planned. Better still, get the portable and then come down here and show me._' Stepping in front of the camera, her husband stared at her as if he could see her through the lens. '_You have my complete attention_.'

'Do I?' teased his wife.

'_You most certainly do_.'

Leaning forward, Evey smiled at the image on the screen before her. 'As much as I would love to come and show you or describe every little detail, I can't at this moment. Our children will be entering the tunnels soon and I do not want you distracted. Also, your portable is missing.'

V grinned and winked at the camera, '_Careful with your plans, my love, or we may end up with more young ones. Speaking of which, how are our eldest and twins managing with our latest?'_ There was a pause._ 'Did you say the portable was missing?'_

'It is.'

'_Are you certain? It was there this morning.'_

'I tell you darling, it is not here.

V frowned. Of course it was missing. His children had it. Why he did not know, but he was certain their explanation was going to be an interesting one. '_I believe I know where it has gone my love.'_

'Uh huh.'

'_Uh huh? Is there something the matter?'_

'Yes.' Evey was looking at another monitor. On it were the images of Chief Inspector Dominic Stone and two constables standing outside of the front door to her home, ringing the bell. 'The police are outside of my flat.'

'_The police? Do they have our children in tow?'_

'Not this time, but Dominic has that look, dearest. The children have obviously gotten themselves into something.'

'_Yes…I wonder who was the leader this time? Enya or Victor?'_

Evey frowned and glanced at the monitor containing her husband. 'Why do you never suspect Eamon?'

'_Because it is never he whom the police are seeking.'_

'But it is he who thinks up several of their adventures and it is he who is usually standing watch over the others.'

'_True, darling, true.' _There was a deep weary sigh through the speakers_. 'I guess you must go and answer the door to see what they have done. Speaking of the mischief and mayhem, what are the little ones doing? Are they entering the tunnels?'_

In the gallery, Evey rose from her chair adjusting the monitor to zoom in on the image of her children. Instantly her face contorted, 'Oh, no, no, no. No you don't. Don't you dare young man! Do you hear me? Do it and you will be grounded until you're forty.'

In the tunnels below V stared at the camera while pulling away the beginnings of his ghoulish attire. _'Darling, what is it?'_

'The children.'

'_Yes, yes. I know that, but what are they doing?'_

'Darling, hurry. They are trying to dispose of one another again.'

'_I'm on my way.'_

**VEV**

Deidra O'Malley during her life had done many wonderful things. The one which stood out, the one she was the proudest of, was her time as an IRA bomber. When it came to crafting explosives, none better was there than she.

Deidra had lived for smell of smoke, the acid taste of gunpowder, and the ringing in her ears. As the car, bus, or building blew, she always found herself unexpectedly turned on by the event. In her younger days just the thought of an explosion aroused her. Needless to say, Codename V and his pyrotechnics was a wet dream come true for her. The morning after the blowing of the Old Bailey, her husband could barely move, let alone walk. The night of the destruction of Parliament, Deidra's husband was certain he was going to die.

It was the possibility of meeting Codename V in person which had made Deidra convince her husband to move near Victoria Station. Daily she was on the street, watching, looking for the man and her envy of Evey was untouchable. On the occasions she had seen the family from a distance, she had been so overcome with emotion, she could only stand, mouth agape, and mumble incoherently. After sanity was restored, her husband was immediately sought.

Deidra had seen the blonde haired little girl kneeling behind the rubbish bin outside of her small cafe and had thought little of it. It was, after all, not usual to see children on the street and it had been obvious this particular child was playing some sort of game from the way she kept turning, speaking to someone in the alleyway and then keeping track of others up the road. The most Deidra thought was the beautiful child with the cherub face and elfin features should have been wearing a coat less she catch her death with a cold.

Looking away to assist a customer, she was surprised that when she glanced out the store front again, the child was still there, but now she had been joined by two others. One of which, a tall, lanky boy with champagne curls and dark, fascinating eyes, was holding a screaming baby at arms length, dangling the infant over the rubbish bin. At that moment, the children had Deidra's complete and total attention. With a squeal of dismay, she rushed to the infant's rescue.

**VEV**

Val was not happy.

In fact, Val was furious with his siblings and he did not care who knew it. He just could not believe they were talking as long as they were on the simplest of tasks. Scrunching up his face, he bellowed forth his complaint to his brother.

'Wah, wah, wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'

'Just pull his pants down Enya and then grab his feet and keep him still. Eamon, the moment his pants are past the nappy, undo it and let it drop in the bin. You'll have to clean him and put the new one on. We'll have to be quick, or he'll get cold. Alright, everyone ready? My arms are getting tired and we need to get to the tunnels.' Victor looked at his brother and sister expectantly, cringing at the pain his baby brother was causing to his sensitive ears.

'Waaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'

'Ready,' announced Enya.

Waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'

'Wait,' cried Eamon who was trying to dig under the painting in the perambulator, 'I can't find the nappy bag. I swear I would rather face The Creedy than to do this.'

Val's scream grew louder, 'WAH, WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'

'Eamon…'

His brother's name was all Victor managed to say before his baby brother was snatched from his hands and quickly ferried away by a large, grandmotherly like woman. For a second, all the Hammond children could do were to stand with their mouths open, staring dumbfounded at one another.

'Wha…What just happened?' blinked Enya, staring at the place above the bin where her baby brother used to be.

'Val!' cried Eamon.

'Give him back!' cried Victor simultaneously, his ears still ringing from sudden relief from the baby's screams.

In a beat all three children were moving, trying to be the first to crowd their way through the café door and retrieve their missing sibling. In a tangle of arms and legs, they tumbled to their brother's rescue.

**VEV**

Below the city street, Evey gave a loud yelp. Instantly, her husband's face, now blood covered with an eyeball dangling from its socket, appeared in a monitor.

'_Darling, what is it?'_

'The children.'

'_Yes, yes, we have covered that already. I am almost there.'_

'Quickly, darling! Someone is just took Val away from them.' Without waiting to hear his reply, she was already running for the lift to take her to ground level, hoping Dominic had not given up and was still standing outside of her flat.

'_Where Eve? The street? The tunnels?' _As he spoke, V pulled the dangling eyeball loose and dropped it on the ground. When his wife did not reply, he turned and ran towards the closest tunnel entrance to the last location he had seen his children.

**VEV**

Picking themselves up off the floor, Victor, Eamon, and Enya rushed to their brother who was being laid upon a towel on one of the café tables by the woman who had taken him. He was still screaming.

Glancing over at them, she held out one hand to Eamon, keeping the other on the crying baby so he would not turn over and fall to the floor.

'WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'

'Nappy.'

Eamon blinked. 'Excuse me?'

'Nappy,' said the woman again as she began to unfasten the infant's clothing, 'and something to clean him with.'

'WAHHH, WAHHH, WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'

Seizing the diaper and cleaning cloth from his brother, Victor handed them to the woman. In minutes the baby was cleaned, changed, and dressed again. Swooping him up on her shoulder, Deidra instantly began rubbing his back and making soothing sounds. 'Now then,' she announced. 'Want to tell me why you were putting this sweet little boy in the bin?'

Val looked over the woman's shoulder at his siblings and grinned.

**VEV**

Dominic Stone punched the bell again and sighed. 'Well lads, I guess the Prime Minister isn't in. I'll come back in a bit.' Just as the last word was uttered from his lips, the door flew open and Evey darted passed him, practically yanking him off his feet as she did.

'Evey?'

'No time, just hurry.'

Two minutes and one point two seconds later Dominic found himself sitting as a passenger in his own car with Evey driving like a mad woman. The siren was blaring and Dominic was certain he was going to perish in a spectacular crash.

'SLOW DOWN WOMAN,' he yelled as she rushed through a busy intersection and wiped the car down a one way street, going in the opposite direction than the traffic.

'Can't.' The reply was casual. Calm even. 'Why were at the door with the constables?'

'Um…um….LOOK OUT. The children.'

Evey dodged around an oncoming Lorry. 'What did they do?'

'They stole a painting from the National Gallery. They deactivated the alarms, but forgot the security cameras. The entire thing was filmed.'

With knuckles turning white, Dominic was almost propelled through the window, and probably would have been if he had not been wearing his seat belt, as Evey slammed on the breaks and slid on to the walkway outside a small Irish Café. The trash bin in front of it flew through the air, spreading debris meters away.

Turning, her eyes flaming, she stared at the Scotland Yard Inspector. 'THEY DID WHAT?'

Inside the café, three children turned to the window, their eyes growing wide and faces draining of all blood.

'We're dead,' intoned Eamon in resignation.

'Mummy,' whispered Enya while gulping dramatically and backing slowing behind her brother. 'and she's mad. Think she knows we stole the painting or do you think it's about that woman taking Val?'

'Could be what Victor did to Val,' reminded Eamon as the watched the doors to the car open and Chief Inspector Dominic Stone tumble out one of them.

'Probably because we're over two hours late, but hey, it could be worse...' Victor looked at his siblings, resigning himself to his impending punishment and possible death by an angry mother with a lopsided grin. '…Daddy could be here too.'

'What makes you think I am NOT?'

Turning to look behind them, the three children's eyes grew even larger as complete terror consumed them.

In Deidra's arms, Val laughed.

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Author's note.

I am taking suggestions on what the kiddies' punishment should be. I am also running a vote...who wants to see Deidra throw herself at V and then watch Evey tell her off? Please, drop a note and let me know. Any suggestions on what the kids would be appreciated as well.


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